there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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