dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
