Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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