Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She said her name was "party"
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Michael Bay diarrhea
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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