You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
