Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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