thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
