I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Randomize
