Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
