I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
