Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You dont lie about slip and slides
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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