I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
