I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
