Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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