My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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