I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
