TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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