Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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