Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
