I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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