My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish life had little blips of pornography
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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