If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
