I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
