Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
