I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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