I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
