Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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