idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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