yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
