How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
