is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
