we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
