Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm too high and old for this...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
