guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
