happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
