the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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