no, he came in my armpit
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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