I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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