Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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