So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
