I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
