i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
