Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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