There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
