So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
