I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
