Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
