butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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