Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We left the knife in your bed.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
