How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
