I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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