I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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