Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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