he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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